My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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