i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
