There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
