i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
