2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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