The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
