Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
