from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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