I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
