This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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