just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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