I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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