And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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