Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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