I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
