yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
