The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
