You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
