That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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