You're my little dorito
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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