These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
