Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So many bounce houses so little time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
