Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
