Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
