you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
