It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
