I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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