Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
