In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
