if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
