He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
