Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Where is the hickey?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
