Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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