I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
