i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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