It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize