did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
