i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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