what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
