how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
