Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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