3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
