Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
