So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
