You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
