you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
