Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
