who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
