So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
