Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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