guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
