I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
