careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
