Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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