He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
