So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize