stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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