you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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