if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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