I hate your face
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will be naked everywhere
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
