he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Please don't give away my fajitas
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
